


Where The Flax Flower Can Grow

by BionicOtaku



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-07-15 22:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7240624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BionicOtaku/pseuds/BionicOtaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalia is broken and has nowhere to go. She thinks she is a monster, but a short girl behind a bar named Lili doesn't see a monster. She sees a beautiful flower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yellow Carnation: Rejection

**Author's Note:**

> Hello internet. So this story is probably going to have around five or six chapters, but we will see how it pans out. I hope you enjoy and I cherish your reviews like they are letters from a loved one <3 ~BionicOtaku   
> PS: Chapter titles are different flowers and there romantic meanings.

This could not be happening. It just couldn't. This was all just too surreal. It must be a dream. No. It must be a nightmare. How could this happen. How was she standing here, in the middle of the night with a cardboard box in her hands, and not a clue where to go. There was still some blood trapped around her nails and in the creases of her hands. Yekaterina had convinced Ivan to at least let her take a shower and pack up her things, but turns out when you are being kicked out of the only home you've ever known and desperately trying to wash the blood of the person you look up to the most in the world off your body, as it drips down your arms and leaves streaks of regret and shame, things like cleaning your nail beds get neglected. She hadn't meant to do it. Why would she? Her brother Ivan was the only man she had ever really cared about. Only person really, except for maybe Yekaterina. But Ivan was everything. Ivan was perfect. Ivan was her whole world. Her whole life everyone had asked her what happened in her head when she lost it but she never could tell. One moment everything would be fine, and the next she would find herself standing over a cowering frame with her knuckles bloody. It had been years though since an attack of that nature. Once she had been confined to the house with only her brother and sister things had gotten better. They never made her snap and always knew how to talk her down. That was until him. That filthy American.

Alfred was his name but Natalia never used it. She had only ever called him the filthy American. He had stolen her brother. When Ivan had first brought Alfred over the American had tried to be nice to her, tried to be her friend, but it was useless. Why would she want to be friends with the person who meant more to her brother than she did. He was funny. Natalia didn't think she had ever made someone laugh. He was kind. Natalia had once ripped a girl's earring out in third grade because the girl had said Natalia had beautiful hair. He had ambitions of working on a space station and going where no one had ever gone before. Natalia hadn't left her home in four years. But more importantly Alfred could give Ivan what Natalia never could, someone to love. She should have seen this coming, the blonde thought to herself as she replayed the events of the evening over and over again in her head. In the months since Ivan and Alfred had started dating, Natalia had felt herself start to unravel little by little. The every mention of the American would send electric shocks into Natalia's brain making her angry, making her crazy. Just the other week she had overheard Ivan telling Yekaterina about their date and it was fortunate that there was a whole chicken in the fridge for her to butcher otherwise the events of this evening might have happened much sooner, but she had managed to hold herself together a little longer, being satisfied with feeling of the knife cutting through flesh and the rush of cracking joints from their sockets.

Tonight though, there was no chicken, and even if there had been, Natalia didn't think she would have been able to control this episode. Nothing had even happened this time. Ivan had just walked through the door, a smile on his face like always. Only Natalia knew that this time it was there because of the American. Just like that the world around her clouded over with white hot rage, and her whole body shook with the adrenaline pumping through her veins. Ivan was a large man, but nothing could stop Natalia when a fit came on. She clawed and bit and pummeled. she had caught him by surprise and the tall blonde fell backwards knocking over a vase of flowers from the table beside them. The vase shattered into large sharp pieces. Natalia grabbed a jagged piece and gripped it firmly in her hand, cutting into the flesh of her own palm as she did. She sliced at Ivan with all her might, ripping through the cloth of his shirt, leaving gashes on his arms and face to match the blood already dripping from where her nails and raked over his skin. Yekaterina had heard the sounds and come running, managing to pull Natalia away from her brother. She writhed a swore and spat like an animal, like a monster, but then her mind cleared. The rage was gone and everything was silent. All that could be heard was her own and her siblings labored breath.

"I can't do this anymore Natashen'ka" Ivan choked out, as tears of pain and sorrow fell from his eyes, mixing with the blood that stained his cheeks.

"You need to leave."

And here she was standing on the street for the first time since she was sixteen. She wasn't helpless though. Her sister had given her enough cash to get by for a while and though she hadn't been out for so long she was not afraid. The only thing she had to fear was herself. She had briefly considering checking herself into a hospital, but then thought better of it. She could not trust them. They would never let her out. And while she could live with being a prisoner in her own home, she could not do the same in a foreign place. She had money enough that she could just go check into a hotel for the night. However that would imply that she was planning on sleeping which at this point she had almost given up on entirely. So instead she decided to walk down the street until she found a place that could offer her the one true salvation. Alcohol. She had walked maybe a quarter mile and turned a couple times for good measure before stopping in front of a bar with a brick exterior, a Swiss flag and a sign that hung in the window proclaiming it "Die Kleine Neroli Lilie" Natalia rolled her eyes at the name and the places entirely too charming existence, but entered all the same. At this point any vodka was an improvement on no vodka, even if it was not Russian. Natalia had expected the place to be empty, but to her surprise every table was occupied and there was lively conversation streaming through the air. Natalia was felt her heart start to beat faster and her palms begin to clam up, but she forced herself to stay calm and proceeded to walk over to the bar.

"Vodka" She mumbled to the short figure that stood behind the bar with her back turned.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get that." The girl behind the bar said as she turned to face Natalia. The face that met Natalia's own was one of the most amazing the blonde had ever seen. The girl must have been at least eighteen considering that she was working behind a bar, but her face and stature made her look younger. Her soft features and her green eyes glistened with innocence, however Natalia did notice several things that went against this innocent unknowing exterior. Such as her short haircut and finger nails, loose fitting jeans and, the biggest clue, her shirt which had the faces of Tegan and Sara emblazoned across it.

"Um, Hello?" the women behind the bar said waving a hand slightly in attempt to draw Natalia out of her poundering.

"Oh yeah, Vodka." The short haired girl nodded eagerly and took down a shot glass. As she poured however her hands shook and she ended up getting about the same amount of liquor onto the counter as into the glass.

]"I'm sorry about that. I don't usually work behind the bar, but my brother owns this place and our bartender is sick so here I am."

Natalia did not know to respond to this so she simply nodded as she threw back the shot and pushed it forward in a silent request for another. The shorter blonde behind the bar refilled the shot again, this time with slightly more precision.

"Are you from around here? We basically survive off our regulars, mostly family and friends so I don't talk to many people I don't know. It's exciting!" The little blonde blushed a little bit at this and took the shot glass once more, refilling it again.

"I am from near by. I don't get out much." Natalia answered before taking the third shot a tilting it back, however this time she did not push it back toward the small barmaid. "Oh I see, well it's nice to meet you. I'm Lili." The young women said, holding out her hand to shake.

"Natalia Braginskaya." Natalia answered, taking the hand in her own and giving in once decisive shake before releasing her hold. Lili's hands were soft warm. Natalia had felt the smooth calluses on the tips of Lili's fingers brush against the back of her hand sending shivers through her body.

"I don't go out much either." Lili said, taking a rag and beginning to clean the bar. "My brother worries lot and since it's just him and me I tend to only really go to and from school and spend most of the rest of my time here." Lili explained, as she ran her rag across the nozzles of the beer taps.

"What are you studying?" Natalia asked. Why would she asked that, she wondered to herself. It's not like she cared about this girl at all.

"I'm studying to become an MRI technician. When I was younger I wanted to be a doctor or a nurse, but my adviser in school said she didn't think I was cut out for a high stress environment and I think she was right. Plus, to be an MRI technician you only need a two year degree, but you still get to help people." The blonde paused a moment looking to the grandfather clock standing on the wall to her right. "Um, It's closing time so you'll need to go" Natalia immediately began to rise from her seat and prepare to pay and leave. "but, umm." Lili's eyes flickered over to the cardboard box sitting on the bar stool next to Natalia and then back to the taller blonde's face before furrowing her brow. "Do you have somewhere to go?" Lili blurted out, not sure why she was so nervous. Natalia just stood blinking, not sure what to say, but then settling on the truth.

"No." Natalia deadpanned, and went to pick up her box.

"Wait!" The green-eyed girl exclaimed quickly, throwing out a hand to stop Natalia. "You can stay here if you'd like. There is an extra room. and . and. And I don't want you to go back out in the scoffed at that "I can take care of myself" She said as she took out the envelope of cash Yekaterina had given her and put the money for the drinks onto the counter.

"No that's not what I mean. I'm sure you can take care of yourself but, well I…" Lili's words faded away as she realized she didn't really have anything else she could say. She didn't know why, but something about Natalia fascinated her, and the idea of that beautiful women walking out into the darkness of the city was unbearable. "I will accept your offer." Lili looked up abruptly at the long hair women across the bar from her, who was simply standing and waiting. "Okay then, I'll go upstairs and get the place set up for you. You just stay here for a minute." Lili said hurriedly. Natalia watched as the sprightly girl fled up the stairs. But then a sinking feeling hit her. What had she just agreed to? She couldn't do this. She couldn't let this tiny girl harbor an insane monster like her.


	2. Fern: Confidence and Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi internet. Here's the 2nd chapter, I hope you like it. Sorry if you find Lili to be OOC, but this is what I imagine her being like, and given the slight tendency towards one dimensional-ness in secondary Hetalia characters I feel like it's okay to be a little free with their personality to some extent to make them seemed more realistic. Well enjoy the chapter, your reviews are my crack. ~BionicOtaku

Natalia took a breath. One. Two. Three. Four. It didn't really help that much but at least the buzzing in her head had lessened. She was about to just get up and run away before Lili could come back but something stopped her. "You can't do that." she thought to herself. "That would make her so sad. Just wait for her to come back and then politely refuse the offer. You can do it." Natalia fiddled with her hands as she continued her inner dialogue. "Who are you kidding, no you can't. You're gonna fuck it up. If something happens you could go to jail, or worse."

Her train of thought was suddenly knocked of its dangerous course by a loud high pitched squeal behind her. Spinning around in her seat Natalia watched as a small auburn-haired man clad all in Armani, who looked more than slightly intoxicated, flew through the air and landed in the arms of a large blonde. Natalia hadn't actually turned around fast enough to see, but from what she could gather he had jumped off the table and was now clinging to the blonde like he was the only thing left after the apocalypse. They weren't the only strange characters sitting at that table, Natalia noticed as she watched from afar. There were five of them but from the amount of noise one would think the number closer to twenty, however on closer inspection most of the noises seemed to come from three of the assembled group while the other to just sort of sat there. While the auburn haired man could be found responsible for a long string of inane prattle that no one seemed to be listening to; he was now going on and on about how soft the blonde's hair was as he nuzzled the side of his face against the blonde's head, Most of the noise actually seemed to be coming from a loud argument between and powerfully built women with long wavy brown hair and, Natalia noted a with surprise, what appeared to be an albino man.

"You wanna go pasty! I'll school your ass here and now." The brunette snarled, rising from her chair and putting her hands on the table in front of her. From her left and bored looking man with glasses attempted to calm her, but without any result.

"Oh bring it on miststück!" The albino spat out, red eyes flashing daggers across the table.

Natalia started to get nervous. This doesn't have anything to do with you she reminded herself, although she didn't really know how that should make her react considering any aggressive or confrontational scenes she had ever witnessed had been ones of her own making. It seemed very strange to be on the other side of what seemed like it was about to become physical violence. However just when Natalia thought the two were about to come to blows they promptly both sat down in their chairs, propped their elbows on the table and began to arm wrestle. Natalia was snapped out of her confused on looking by a voice to right right.

"Don't worry about them. They do this all the time." Lili spoke, following Natalia's gaze. Natalia looked sharply up at Lili with confusion in her eyes.

"You know them? "

"Oh yeah, I've known them forever." Lili explained "We all met at these classes we took when we were kids that taught English to German speaking immigrants and I guess sharing a common goal can really bring people together because we have been like family ever since. Well all but Feliciano, He's Ludwig's." at this she gestured to the Armani wearer who was currently forehead to forehead with the large blonde, apparently named Ludwig.

Natalia had just remembered her commitment to decline Lili's offer of hospitality and was about speak when back at the table came a loud "thud" and boisterous cry of "Eat it Beilschmidt!".

"I'll be right back I just have to tell them we're closing." And with that Lili walked over to the table and was welcomed with smiles and hugs. Natalia watched as the little blonde conversed, watching her move smoothly and calmly, with an occasional giggling laugh. Her smile was so sweet. Her eyes wrinkling so naturally at the corners as her cheeks were pushed up by her small grin. Natalia wished she could smile with such ease. Lili was speaking to the albino now who glanced over at Natalia with a strange smirk she couldn't quite read. The albino said something and began laughing hysterically while Lili shook her head from left to right urgently and put her hands up in defense. Natalia bit the inside of her cheek. Hard. They were talking about her. What was that no good red eyed freak saying about her? She relaxed a little as she felt the warmth of blood touch her tongue. "Easy Natalia" she thought to herself "You're almost certainly more of a freak then he is." The group started to make their way out of the bar, saying their good nights as they went. Lili walked to the door with them taking out a key as she went. The last out the door was the albino who as he walked out looked to Natalia for a moment then down to Lili and winked.

"Gute nacht, and have fun with your sexual conquest mein schönes klein fräulein." Lili flushed and attempted a response.

"Gilbert, I told you it's not like tha-" She was cut off as he "called over his shoulder "Hey West, wait up." and whipped the door shut behind him. Lili sighed deeply as she turned the key in the lock before making her way back over to where Natalia was still sitting.

"Sorry about him, he's kind of an idiot. Follow me and I'll show you where you can stay tonight."

"I don't think I should. After all you don't even know me." Natalia pointed out, picking up her box and resting it under her left arm.

"Nonsense, I might not know you, but I know you need help and I'm not worried, I know I'm safe." for moment Natalia thought about her words. She knew she was safe. Why? How could she? Then her thought process was cut off as Lili took hold of her hand and started guiding her over to the staircase. Just like that any of Natalia's thought of refusal died. The warmth of Lili's hand on her's was shooting through her body and pumping through her veins, making her heart beat quicken. For a moment Natalia started to worry, but then she realized that this increase in her pulse was different from the increase she felt when rage clouded her mind. This feeling was lighter, less like hot iron and more like an electric shock, leaving her feeling dazed. She let the smaller girl lead her up the narrow staircase and through a door into an apartment.

The place seemed to consist of a large room that contain an open kitchen, dining table, and living space all in one, as well as a short hall way branching out into four doors. It seemed old, with unfinished wood floors and antique iron door knobs and window clasps. It was furnished in an old fashioned manner as well, with crocheted tablecloths, a grandfather clock, and a set of wooden footed couch and chairs. Sitting in one of those chair was blonde man who strongly resembled Lili (they even had the same haircut) except his eyes did not hold the same twinkle that Lili's had. his were cold and critical as he looked up from the book he was reading.

"Basch, This is Natalia. Natalia this is my brother Basch." Lili said as she gestured between the two. Basch just stared for a moment, his eyes scanning Natalia from top to bottom before fixating on her face.

"Hello." He muttered before returning to his book as though Natalia was not even present.

"Okay, so I'll show you to the guest room. I'm sure your very tired." Lili cut in ushering Natalia down the hall. "That went better than I expected." She said laughing at little at her brother's absurdity "Don't worry about him, he just doesn't like strangers." She assured as she turned the knob of the last door to the left.

The room was small and furnished in the same style as the rest of the apartment, all wooden and homey, with a large yellow quilt embroidered with purple and pink flowers on the bed. Natalia followed Lili into the room and was suddenly struck with how surreal her situation truly was. Lili was explaining things about the room and the apartment, but Natalia was hardly listening, stunned by how much luck had just entered her very unfortunate life; all because of the little blonde who was currently opening different drawers and pulling out things.

"I don't know what you have in your box but here's a toothbrush and some clothes you can sleep in. Make sure not to leave this room during the night because Basch gets a little paranoid at night and I can assure you the shotgun hanging over the mantle isn't the only one he has." Natalia looked up at the bundle of things Lili was holding out to her and took it slowly, still slightly dazed. Lili rested her hand on Natalia's upper arm. "I know it's none of my business, but I'm sorry about whatever happened to you. You seem like a good person, So if I can be of any further help let me know." With that the little ray of light, the only person who had shown Natalia kindness and gave her hope, left the room, leaving her feeling empty and pitiful once again.

Natalia changed her clothes and sat on the bed, unsure of how to proceed. Though she now had a place to sleep the idea of actually doing so seemed impossible, so she just sat taking in her surroundings. She could hear the sounds of muffled speech from the living room and though she wanted to pretend not to care, she couldn't help but strain to listen.

"What is wrong with you Lili." came Basch's sharp voice. "Why would you bring a random person you met at the bar into our home? You have no idea what that woman is like. What if she is crazy, some people are homeless for a reason." those words cut Natalia, she hadn't really thought of herself as homeless but that was the case.

"She needed help, I could give it to her. I don't understand what the problem is here." Lili's voice drifted to Natalia's ear, calm and sweet as ever.

"Look, just because you find her attractive doesn't mean that you shou-"

"That's not why I did it." to Natalia's surprise, Lili's voice wasn't so soft anymore. it was angry. But it wasn't the loud, high pitched sort of angry one might expect from a young, petite women. It was low and cold, laced with determination. There was long pause before either of the siblings spoke again; their voices much lower than before making it impossible for Natalia to make out their words. Soon there was the sound of creaking floorboards as the pair walked down the hall.

"Good night Lili, and whatever you do be careful." were Basch's last words as he entered his room. "Don't worry brother, I will be." Lili said as she opened her own door. Natalia had expect that to be the end of it but then just before she heard the door swing closed she caught Lili whisper what sounded like a sarcastic "Yeah right." perhaps this little blonde was more than she appeared.


	3. Camellia: Admiration

Natalia glanced over to the clock on the opposite wall after she noticed the sun beginning to rise. It was six thirty eight. To her surprise she had managed to sleep for almost an hour at around three, but since then she had simply been staring at the ceiling, thinking about what the future would hold.

Where would she live? How would she work? Her high school diploma hardly qualified her for anything and there was no way she would be able to get through an interview anyway. She was running through impossible possibilities in her mind for what felt like the hundredth time when she heard the creak of floorboards and then a door open and shut in the distance. She decided that since someone else was up she may as well be too, so she removed the soft gray, slightly too short sweatpants and plum colored t-shirt Lili had lent her and replaced them with her black jeans and dark blue collared shirt. She ran her fingers through her dark blonde hair, removing small kinks as she went, then all too soon she was out of ways to "get ready" and felt herself gravitate towards the door.

As she walked down to the end of the hallway and into the small living space she felt an odd twinge in her heart when she found that it was not Lili who had been moving about, but Basch. He was sitting at the small oak table with a mug of something in front of him, and a newspaper in hand. As soon as Natalia entered the room his eyes shot up, though the rest of remained in the same position with his head slightly bend down, making it so that he was glaring deeply from under the ridge of his brow.

"Hello." He ground out, hardly opening his tense jaw. His accent was thicker than Lili's and although they looked quite similar, Natalia found herself wondering, as she had last night how Lili and her brother could be such polar opposites in demeanor. Natalia narrowed her eyes. She may be a guest in his home, but that didn't mean she would lose this power play.

"Hello." she mirrored back, not dropping eye contact.

"Would you like some coffee?" Basch asked, still glaring.

"Yes, thank you."

It was like they were running lines for a play. Their words were perfectly civil, but the animosity was thick in the air. Basch gestured to a coffee pot with a set of stacking mugs as well as a sugar dish and a small pitcher of cream beside it. This forced Natalia to pull away from the stare down and walk into the kitchen area, but she kept her back stiffened and her jaw clenched as she did so. When she had finished she turned back to the small table and sat across from Basch who had returned to his paper.

"I don't know what your game is with my sister, but I would be careful if I were you. Because if something were to happen I don't think you would like the consequences." Basch said conversationally, not even looking up from his paper.

"I have no game. I didn't even want to come here, but she insisted and…" Natalia couldn't finish the sentence. she couldn't tell this man that she couldn't refuse his sister because when the smaller women had taken her hand her insides had melted.

"I understand."

Natalia's head shot up to look at Basch with confusion painting her face.

"My sister has that effect on people. She can be very… Persuasive." Basch said as he smile wryly at his newspaper before flipping the page.

Just then the door was pushed open by a small foot and Lili squeezed her way through carry a multitude of cloth grocery bags. She flopped them down onto the floor and pushed shut the old door, swollen from the heat and humidity.

"Good morning" Lili sang out as she lugged the bags over to the kitchen

"Do you want some help?" Natalia asked rising from her chair.

"No I'm good, stay where you are." Lili responded "Would you like some breakfast? "

It suddenly struck Natalia just how hungry she was. It had been almost twenty hours since the last time she had consumed anything other than vodka.

"Yes please." She said in a meek tone. She really didn't feel like accepting charity from this angelic girl but the more she considered her circumstances the more she realized that an angel was just what she needed

"Would you like marmalade or honey for your bürli?" Lili's sweet voice drifted through the air, knocking Natalia out of her trance once again.

"Um, honey." Natalia answered, not knowing what a bürli was to begin with.

Basch called something to Lili from across the table in German and Lili responded in kind. Natalia had no idea what was being said so she let herself float away again, enjoying the way the Lili's soft voice could make even the harsh german sound silky and caring. Suddenly Lili's words caught Natalia's attention.

"Das geht dich einen dreck an!" Her voice was no longer soft, but low and determined, the same as it had been last night. Natalia turned her head to look behind her to where Lili was standing in the kitchen. She was facing the counter with her back turned to the table but the tension emanating off of her was palpable. However the moment Natalia swiveled to face her Lili let out a short sigh and turned to face her brother and guest with a look of absolute content on her face.

"I'm sorry Natalia, it's rude of us to speak together without including you." She said as she came and set at the table, placing down a tray.

Natalia soon discover that bürli were little loaves of bread and that Lili made significantly better coffee than Basch.

Now that her stomach full of carbohydrates and the worry of passing out gone her real worries started to surface once again. It seemed hopeless. After all, there was no way Lili's generosity would last, and even if it would there was still the fact the Natalia was unstable. She couldn't be trusted. She shouldn't even be out in society, let alone in the home of someone so seemingly delicate. But Natalia told herself she couldn't worry about that. She would have to accept Lili's hospitality as long as it would last, although she had no idea whether it would even extend to another night in her home.

"Natalia, I have some errands that I was going to run today. Would you like to come along? It would be great to have some company." Lili's voice drifted through Natalia's thoughts and down her entire body. It was like she could feel the smaller woman's smile actually warming her chest and lifting off the weight of concern.

"Sure." Natalia replied, internally wincing at her own low, hoarse sounding voice. Natalia had always hated the way her voice sounded. It was dry and cold, nothing like the angelic sound of the Lili's soft and smooth speech. Natalia didn't normally mind that her voice was so ugly, it's not like she ever talked much. However when she responded to the Lili's beautiful chorus of angels with her melancholic drone it was hard not notice that difference.

They stepped outside into the fresh air of summer and Natalia followed as Lili lead her through the streets. When they were walking everything was fine, Natalia was able to block out the many people around her a concentrate solely upon the little blonde bobbing along next to her. However when they would arrive at a destination, be it the post office, or the hardware store, or the bank, Natalia felt her pulse begin to race and she would take a small step closer to Lili, pinching the back of her own hand as she waited for the burning in the back of her throat to subside.

"So that's all the things I had to do" Lili said as they walked out of the big bank building.

"Ugh, I don't really want to go home yet though. There's a park down the road a little ways and a guy with a cart that sells bubble tea. Do you want to go get some? My treat!"

"I'm sorry, what's bubble tea?" Natalia asked her head tilting to the side. She had drunk a lot of tea in her life but none of it had ever had any bubbles in it. Lili's eyes went wide and her eyebrows raised in surprise.

"You've never had it? Well that settles it, come on let's go!" and with that Lili grabbed Natalia's hand and steered them through the crowded street and into the park. Natalia felt the little jolt again as Lili took her hand, but this time she was ready for it, this time she wanted it.

"What flavor do you want?" Lili asked, gesturing to the menu that was fixed to the side of the cart.

"What do you think I should get?" Natalia honestly didn't really care, and she was starting to realize that if asking Lili's opinion would make the girl happy then she would defer to her for everything, because with almost nothing left of her life, she may as well give it up to the girl who had become her saving grace.

"Well, I like the melon flavor, but I think since it's your first you should get the plain tea kind."Lili said, propping her chin in her hand, a thoughtful look on her face.

"That sounds good."

Moments later the two sat on a bench facing in towards a large green space with lots of people milling about. Lili handed Natalia a clear plastic cup and she took a sip through the abnormally large straw. She was just thinking that she liked the flavor when something round and slimy slipped through her mouth. She choked slightly as it made it made it's way down her throat and began coughing.

"Are you okay?" Lili asked, alarm ringing through his voice.

"There's something weird in this tea." Natalia choked out as the coughing subsided. Lili burst into a fit of giggles.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I guess I should have told you about the tapioca pearls." She squeaked, now choking herself from the laughter.

"The what?"

"Just try some again, but this time actually eat the little squishy things. They're tasty."

half an hour later the bubble tea was gone but the two were still sitting on the bench. They had talked a lot, well mostly Lili talking and Natalia listening. She had told her all about how she had moved from Switzerland when she was a child, and about her and her brothers friends, and about her school and about any random thing that would cross her mind, and Natalia just sat a listened, replying when necessary or asking questions when she thought of them. She could think of nothing better. Looking back, she couldn't think of the last time that she had felt so at ease or enjoyed herself so much. Just listening to this sweet girl, who had helped her without her even having to ask was the best thing she could have ever hoped for. And the longer Natalia sat listening to Lili speak more she could feel her emotions changing. Lili was amazing. she was kind. She was smart. She was humble. She was beautiful. Natalia was falling, and falling fast. "I'm sorry, I've been talking forever. What about you, what's your family like?"

"Oh god why did I say that?", Lili asked herself. "She's homeless, if she has much family to speak of I doubt they are on good terms. Shit. Shit. Shit. Things were going so well and now you've gone and made it too personal to fast. You need to work on respecting other people's boundaries Lili."

"I have a brother and a sister, but… as of yesterday we aren't on the best of terms anymore."

Natalia's voice was quiet and sad as she spoke, looking down at her clenched hands. How Lili wanted to take those hands in hers. How she wanted to look into Natalia's piercing blue eyes. How she wanted to hear her deep, soulful voice pour out her every woe so that Lili could clear away anything and everything that was weighing on the taller woman's strong, lean shoulders. Lili had spent all evening and most of the day thinking about, and coming to terms with the remarkably strong feelings she had for this virtual stranger. She had tried to stop it. Told herself she was just trying to do a good thing for someone in need. But it was so much more than that. Lili saw in Natalia everything she had ever craved, both in mind and in body. The moment she had seen her she had felt it. She had never seen anyone so beautiful in all her life. And then Natalia had spoken, her cool voice slightly raspy, but whole and real. There was not an ounce of fakeness to her. This women was was pure. Not pure as in innocent and untainted . No. Pure in that every part of her mixed to become one. Everything she was belonged. She was herself and nothing else.

"I'm sorry about that. Do you know what you will do?" Natalia shook her head her eyes still fixed on her lap.

"I don't have a job or a place to stay, but I will figure something out."

"you have place to stay. You are staying with me." Lili said as though it was obvious "And I will help you find a job." Natalia looked up, her eyes wide and glassy.

"Thank you." She couldn't think of anything better to say.

"No, Thank you." Lili said.

Finally she couldn't resist any longer and she reached over into Natalia's lap to take hold of her hand. This wasn't like before. Lili wasn't taking Natalia anywhere. If anything she herself was being carried away by the breezy feeling that swept through her as she felt Natalia's hand tighten around her own. Natalia was like flower, battered and wilted from a storm. Most people would pull her up from the ground and throw her aside, believing her dead. But not Lili. She would nurture the flower, and help it to grow more beautiful than ever before.


	4. Azalea: Fragile Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a million years and isn't that good, life's doing that thing were I have to do stuff again. Anyway I hope you enjoy~ BionicOtaku

It had been five days since the first night Natalia had stayed in the apartment above the bar and she was beginning to get used to the flow of things. Everyday Natalia would wake up and have a semi tense meal with the Zwingli siblings, Lili doing everything in her power to get Basch and Natalia to talk to one another, and Basch doing everything in his to glare at his newspaper and pretend Natalia didn’t exist . Then as soon as Basch would leave, Lili would scoot her chair over towards Natalia’s and they would sit close to one another, enjoying each others company as they conversed. They didn’t talk about anything to profound or intimate, Lili being concerned for Natalia’s comfort and Natalia not wanting to divulge certain characteristics about herself, but they nevertheless were slowly getting to know each other better.  
Natalia now knew that Lili’s favorite color was periwinkle, that her favorite book was sense and sensibility, and that she could say the alphabet backwards without pausing. And Lili knew that Natalia’s favorite thing to eat was draniki (The elder girl had promised to make them for the younger someday), that she hated squirrels with a passion, and that her mother had been a ballet dancer and Natalia had dreamed of following in her footsteps before discovering that she did not have the physique, nor the drive for it. Lili had been shocked at this. 

“What do you mean you didn’t have the right physique?” Lili asked, her head tilting in confusion. 

“I am too big for ballet.” Natalia explained with a shrug. It had been many years since she had even thought of her childhood dream. Lili couldn’t even imagine how anyone would look at Natalia and think there was anything wrong with her body. In the shorter girl’s opinion, every inch of Natalia’s body was perfect from the strong set of her jaw, to her full chest and long limbs.  
After they had sat for awhile together Lili would leave for her classes and Natalia would be left on her own. She would sit for hours reading books from a long shelf that spanned the length of an entire wall. Being alone was nothing new to her so it came as quite a shock to discover that when the hour before Lili came home approached she would start to feel fidgety and maybe even slightly excited. When Lili did arrive at around five thirty the two of them would make their way down to the bar and sit together once again, Lili with her textbook and Natalia with a newspaper. Everyday she would search through the job listings and everyday she would be disappointed. She was not fit for anything. As the evening progressed different members of the same rag tag group of friends Natalia had seen on her first night would show up. They didn’t come at the same time, but rather waltz into the bar and took a seat as if it were their home. Normally Lili would make conversation with them for a few minutes and then go back to her work, but for some reason that evening Lili had other ideas. 

“Do you want to go talk to them? I’m sure they would love to get to know you.” Lili had packed away her notes now and was focusing all her attention on Natalia as the other looked across the room to the boisterous table.

“That’s probably not a good idea. I don’t get along very well with others.” Natalia replied, turning back to her paper and crossing off yet another job listing she was unqualified for. 

“You and I get along.” Lili pointed out. 

“Yes, but I think that’s most you getting along with me not the other way round.” Natalia deadpanned.  
Then Natalia heard a soft chuckle from across the table. Her eyes wide with surprise Natalia looked across the table to see Lili still with a smirk of laughter on her face. Natalia had made her laugh. Natalia didn’t make people laugh. But Lili was laughing. She felt a warm feeling spreading through her chest at the idea. She had made an angel laugh. She had made her angel laugh. And she never wanted it to end.

“Come on I’m sure you will do fine.” Lili said as she beckoned a mind numbingly happy Natalia over to the bustling group. 

“Hi guys, This is Natalia. Natalia this is Roderich, Elizabeta, Gilbert, Ludwig and Feliciano.” Lili said as they reached the table. 

There was a round of hellos from everyone and two more chairs were pulled up to the table. Natalia had had every intention to just keep quiet and stick to Lili, but as soon as they were seated the small man with auburn hair, who Natalia now knew was named Feliciano, immediately dragged her into his antics and Natalia could hardly protest as the small blonde was dragged across the table to help Feliciano with whatever strange task he was trying to accomplish.

“So Natalia, where are you from?” Elizabeta asked, trying to make the cold newcomer feel welcomed. 

“I was born in Russia, but I was very young when we left so I do not remember it.” Natalia responded, thinking back to the blurry memories she had from the days before moving away, the days before she had to interact with anyone who was not her family, the days before everyone had realized she was broken.

“Ah I see. I was born in Hungary, but I grew up in Austria and then moved here when I thirteen.” The brunette tucked her hair behind her ear as she spoke and turned her body slightly while leaning back so that Natalia could see the man sitting beside her. 

“This is my husband Roderich.” Natalia nodded to the man as he looked over to her. 

“Charmed.” He said before turning back to face forward. 

He was extremely handsome, with high cheekbones, perfectly quaffed hair, and striking violet eyes, but he seemed to be somewhat in his own world. His gaze was miles away from anything and his body seemed to move in a practiced, almost mechanical way as he lifted his glass to his mouth absentmindedly to drink from it without noticing that it was empty. 

“Sorry about that. He’s working on a Lizst piece for an upcoming gala and he gets a little absentminded when he’s concentrating. He is a concert pianist.” Elizabeta explained all this with a friendly smile on her face and Natalia simply nodded in response, dreading the question she knew would follow.

“What do you do?” 

It was a simple enough question, and not at all rude given the circumstances, but Natalia could feel a prickling sensation run through hand palms. It felt like ants were crawling under her fingernails and try as she might to rub the horrible creeping feeling away she could do nothing. Natalia opened her mouth to respond to Elizabeta when she was cut off by a voice from across the table. 

“Didn’t you know Liz? Lili is feeding her and letting her live in the apartment in exchange for sexual favors.” 

The table went silent. All eyes turned to stare at the albino man. If Natalia had looked at the faces around her she would have seen that they were all looking at Gilbert in a mix of incredulity and rage. The tall blonde who had been introduced to Natalia as Ludwig began to say something, but his words were cut of as Natalia jumped to her feet and lunged across the table. She was filled with white hot rage. The prickling from earlier now felt like she was being gashed with knives. Her eyes shone with feral intensity as she leaned forward, intent on ripping the white hair out of his scalp, however before she could make it halfway she too was cut off. In a flash Lili was there in front of her and what was in actuality two seconds stretched to light years as Lili drew her hand back and brought it down to collide with Gilbert’s face. For a moment Natalia’s world stopped, but the resounding sound of flesh hitting flesh brought her mind back to reality and before Gilbert’s head had even returned to its proper place she ran. She ran past the bar and kitchen out through the door to the alley. Her eyes were a blur with tears and fiery rage as she raced toward the brick wall in front of her, slamming her fist against it with all her might. The blood that smeared across the gray bricks only encouraging her, Natalia pulled her arm back a swung again. Next with her left. Again with the right. Again. Again. She heard the satisfying crack of fingers breaking, but did not even register that they were her own. “One more strike and my enemy will be defeated” raged the hardly coherent beast in Natalia’s mind. The blonde swung her head back and crashed in forward into the wall with a headbutt in hopes of defeating her nameless and faceless opponent. Only as she slid down onto her knees, forehead scraping down the brick in a trail of blood, her eyes going black, did she remember that her greatest enemy had no body to harm. Her greatest enemy was her own poisonous mind.

The next thing Natalia felt was a warm hand resting on her shoulder. For a moment she felt panic rise in her chest again, but when she opened her eyes it melted away. It was Lili. The emerald eyes looking at her were glassy and full of concern, and Natalia expected the younger women to be alarmed and calm out for help, but she didn’t.

“Natalia, can you hear me?” Lili’s voice was shaky, however it still managed to sweet and soothing to the other’s addled mind. Natalia nodded in response, her vision clearing completely and the ringing in her ears dissipating. 

“And you can see me?” 

Another nod in response.

“What is today’s date?” 

“August tenth.” Natalia internally winced at the sound of her hoarse and weak voice. 

Then before Natalia knew what was happening she felt soft lips touching hers and tasted sweet peppermint chapstick. She felt delicate fingers running through the her hair and felt a palm cupping the side of her face, creating a sound in her head like waves crashing against the shore. She felt the warmth of Lili’s chest leaning into her own, making her feel whole.

“We need to get you cleaned up.” The smaller blonde whispered as she pulled away from the kiss. Natalia suddenly became very aware of the drop of blood the was slowly making it’s way down her temple, and looking down at her hands she could see red streaks beginning to dry on her knuckles.

“Can you stand?” Lili questioned, the shaking was gone from her voice, now taking on a more confident and almost commanding tone. Natalia nodded once more and allowed herself to be pulled up from her knees so that she was slightly leaning against the smaller women. Together they walked back into the kitchen and Lili lead Natalia to a stool standing next to the counter. As Lili rummaged around under the counters searching for the first aid kit Natalia finally took stock of what had happened. She had gone of the handle again. She had freaked out and ruined her amazingly lucky chance at a new start. It was over, there was no way she would be able to continue to stay with Lili now. And yet, Natalia thought; pulling on her bottom lip with her teeth, Lili had kissed her. Perfect, angel Lili had seen Natalia in a demonic rage and still she had kissed her. Natalia wasn’t sure what would happen next, but she knew that she would do anything to hold onto the small girl in front her.  
Lili had returned and was now hold Natalia’s hand in her own, inspecting the wounds with alcohol wipe poised at the ready. 

“This will hurt a bit.” The sting was painful, but Natalia had felt worse and currently she was too distracted trying to decide what to say to explain her actions to notice the pain much.

“I’m sorry.” Natalia muttered, going for the simplest route.  
“Sometimes I just lose control and I was gonna hurt him so I ran, and then…” Natalia trailed off as a lump began to build in her throat 

“You don’t have to be sorry. That was a horrible thing for Gilbert to say and I ended up being the one to hurt him so you’ve got nothing on your conscious.” Lili replied, switching to Natalia’s other hand. As true as Lili’s words might be that Natalia had not hurt anyone it did not stop the feeling of shame that made her chest tighten and the lump in her throat expand. 

“I should have told you before this happened. That I’m unstable. Not safe to be around. That I-” 

Natalia was cut off as Lili took her jaw in her hand and tilted Natalia’s head up so their eyes met. To Natalia’s surprise Lili was smiling. It wasn’t her usual bright, cheering smile, but something else. Something that held a mixture of both pity and admiration, as well as something that Natalia could not explain. Their lips connected again and this time Natalia was ready for it, closing her eyes and experiencing to the fullest the rush of warmth that radiated off of Lili. The smaller girl pulled away again and began to wipe away the trickle of blood from Natalia’s temple. 

“I’m not stupid you know.” Lili said in a casual tone. 

“You came here in the middle of the night with a cardboard box and nowhere to go, and then when I offered you a place to stay you refused and I had to practically drag you up the steps. That’s not really the behavior of someone who has nothing to hide.” 

Natalia opened her mouth to speak, but Lili cut her off again. 

“I’ve been with you everyday for almost a week and I have enjoyed every moment of it. I don’t feel unsafe when I’m around you and I don’t think I ever will, so don’t say what I know you were going to say because as long as you want I will be here, Because I like you. I think you are smart, and beautiful, and interesting, and kinder than you believe, and I want to spend as much of my time with you as possible.” 

This time it was Lili who was surprised as she was jerked forward by a pair of hands cupping either side of her face and her lips collided with Natalia’s. Lili melted into the kiss and wrapped her arms around the taller woman’s neck. Maybe, just maybe, her flower was starting to grow again.


End file.
